04 January 2014

The past, the present & the future.

I've been thinking a lot about my past and how my mistakes have alienated myself from some of the people I love. It's hard to look bad and feel happy or proud when regret is all I feel. I know life has ups and downs and I do take it with a pinch of salt but sometimes it's not enough.

You said "I don't know what you want" and that's when it hit me, I don't even know what I want. I seem to be lost and maybe I'm searching for something but I've clearly not found it yet. You gave me hope when I had none and I'm always thankful for that but I'm never going to be this perfect image you need me to be.

Am I sorry? Maybe. Am I grateful? Always. My life was in a standstill till I met you and you showed me that there's more to it. I don't want this to end, and taking a break will hopefully make us realise how much we mean to each other. As crappy as it may sound, the fire is still burning as bright as ever, there is still hope.

2014: The Return

Hey all, So I've not posted since 2012 and last year I was on a hiatus but this year I'm feeling like it could be turn for the good. I Know nobody blogs anymore but I find it pleasing knowing there's a huge possibility that no one will read this unlike Facebook and twitter, so I'm going to talk about it.

I reconnected with an old friend from university and we started hanging out and stuff and as we kept getting closer I realized that she was becoming one of my best friends. I know most guys would be like "dude, I thought you guys were dating and stuff" but it's more then just being in the friendzone. We developed this bond, so amazing, it's like we're twins, soul mates if you'd like, we became one.

I know cheesy as it sounds it's pretty true. Sometimes it's more than dating someone, friendship that is built on trust and understanding of one another, love if you may. But like every good story there's always trouble in paradise.

Small issues became big issues and the big issues became bigger issues. We were fighting all the time, arguing about little things that made no sense to her eventhough it made perfect sense to me. In the end I find myself staring down a road of regret and anger, not knowing if our friendship would survive this test.

We decided to take a break from each other in hopes that the fighting would stop. I miss her, I love her and I wish that things were different but unfortunately it isn't and I'll have to live with that. I'm hopeful of our future but at the same time I'm scared.

25 August 2012

Unique mind.

Is it a virtue of a man or is it the reconstruction of himself. I seem to ponder the absolute silence of justice that prevails in a person's mind, a sense of wrong from right. Does he not know that his actions define who he is as a man or that every move he makes comes with the consequences of the thoughest critics in this world, society. Only the smart and the brave survive and the damned souls of the helpless and doomed reak of disgust towards themselves as the palgue of mortality haunts them. Is there not but a fool who trusts himself in the hands of a god only to see all that he believes in nothing but a bucket of smouldering hot lies. Does he choose to be patient for the assumption that in the far yet forseeable future there is hope of redemption or does he choose to let his heart leap forward from inside his muscular chest and lead him towards a rage that blinds all around him. Is it really a choice of a man such as him who does not have such mercy or is it only that but a dream of a peasant who wants nothing more than to put food on his table for his family. Thinking to himself why he chose the path he choosed for it beared the fruit of meaningless times and suffering for he could not only imagine but taste the sweet success in his mouth.

18 July 2012

Wrong or right.

People say in life you make decisions, some good some bad but either way you learn from it. Now what if you're being forced into making bad decisions, is it the same thing? Do we learn from things that are not in our control? Lately i find that i have been asking myself is me who's fault or am i just a victim of bad karma. For all the things i have done in the past or am still doing in the present its hard to comprehend the nature of some of the issues surrounding me. Sometimes it feels like my head is gonna explode, im supposed to be on holidays and yet i feel like im in a jail.. My life a pinyata for others to try and break me. I hate feeling this way, the feeling of being betrayed by all the things and people you held so dearly to you. Maybe it's just a phase i don't know but what i do know is i ain't sticking around to find out. It's time for me to be free from the shackles of those who bind me to this life.. To this sickness.. To this curse!


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